I'm sitting quietly at home today, both of my children sleeping down the hall from where I am. One enjoying the freedom and stress of Reading Week, the other sick and sleeping away the discomfort of illness.
It's quiet in the house. The sound of my son's air purifier a constant music of white noise in the background.
It's an interesting time in our lives. My son is now a young adult, a freshman in university, and my daughter just finished her 17th year of life. They're growing up these kids of mine, hopefully unscathed from our parenting job. In spite of ourselves they have turned into wonderful human beings, caring and sweet. I still worry about them and what lies ahead. I guess I will continue to do so until the mind disappears, or death announces it's arrival.
I am thankful for my husband's calm wisdom that has balanced out my tempestuousness. I wince at the mistakes made over the years, and pray that I have not help knit together a web of insecurities and fears, "baggage" in my children's heart and soul. I pray that my own fears and insecurities have not somehow stamped themselves into their DNA. I am grateful that this is the Oprah show's last year, the fear of seeing my children one day appear on it for an episode titled "Mistakes My Parents Made," can now disappear into the netherworld, where banished fears belong!
What do I want for them? So much.
I want happiness and laughter, love and joy, and a peace that passes all understanding for them. I want them to travel this strange world of ours in confidence; to make the best of their dash between the dates (by the way, if you have never read the poem "The Dash" by Linda Ellis, I encourage you to do so). I pray that they will always strive for excellence but always walk humbly and serve others. I want them to care about people, and nurture relationships. To be great communicators, and to always say "I'm sorry" when in the wrong. I pray for spouses who will love, honor and respect them, and who will bring balance, fun and laughter into their lives; And together have a firm foundation of faith, that will see them through the rough times, the hard times, the annoying and disgruntled days, the days of grief and sorrow. I want them to be passionate about life and it's gifts. To never close their minds, but to always be open to His leading. To never let fear keep them from opportunities or challenges. To have wisdom and discernment. To have careers that satisfy them, and family and friends to love and be loved by. To be givers of grace, and believers in mercy. To be able to forgive as they have been forgiven. To view the world around them with clarity and empathy. To be dreamers. To see the daily beauty that surrounds them, the miracles of life that permeate each moment of their day. I want so much for them.
Life is never perfect, easy or clean. And even though I would wish and pray that for them, reality intrudes, and I know that there is no one on earth who has experienced a life without road bumps or obstacles, and so in that reality, I pray that they will have the skills and wherewithal to deal with the eventful moments, when they crop up or pour down. I pray that their true compass will be based in His Word, and that it will guide their footsteps through dark days and rough terrain. I pray His comfort in days of grief. His strength when body, mind and emotions falter. His peace and rest when life overwhelms. His wisdom in times of confusion. And His love, always. That they will know and understand His constant love, when loneliness and self doubt threaten to draw them down and tear them apart.
I want a life of purpose for them.
My daughter, in junior high, had an english assignment to project herself fifty years from then, and to write about the life that had transpired in between. An interesting assignment. It called for her to picture herself in the future, and to look back on years of life that were yet to happen. It was fascinating to see what, at that point in her life, she pictured her future to be. It will be interesting to see what actually does happen and how much it changes from that junior high vision, for life always evolves and changes. My son's childhood dream of becoming a professional soccer or tennis player has changed, as he now finds himself studying engineering, and though still enjoying playing soccer and tennis, childhood dreams have made way for different realities. It's sad in a way. Those childhood dreams were beautiful in their lack of walls and limits. Reality had no place in them. As adults our dreams are always walled in by realities practicalities. Limits and speed limits firmly in place. In many cases we forget what it's like to dream. I pray that my children will continue to dream, for I believe that when we start to limit ourselves and our possibilities, we leave ourselves deaf and blind to life's opportunities. That does not mean that I want them to disregard reality. No. It just means that I want them not to forget to dream while living in that reality.
My cousin last year, asked me what my children's passions were. I could not answer that. I didn't even know what my passions were, or if I even viewed life through that particular lens. But it started me thinking about it, and then wishing for my children to discover their passions, their gifts. I'm not sure, even if you were to ask them today, ifr they would even associate their lives with such a strong and evocative word.
I pray that they will not be carried by life, but will rather forge through it. It's a short time that we have here, each one of us. It is my prayer and my hope that my children make the best of their dash. That it won't be measured by wealth or possession, because the end date has no respect for those, but that it will be measured by love and relationship, significance and caring. A life fully lived, within a purpose designed just for them. in a future filled with hope.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
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